The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.