Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.