An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.