And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.