There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.