I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.