By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.