It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.