All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.