I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.