May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.