There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Men are as faithful as their options.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.