I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.