I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.