Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.