I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.