I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.