Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Women are made to be loved not understood.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.