When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Men are as faithful as their options.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I'm single because I was born that way.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.