Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.