Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!