It is better to be alone than in bad company.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?