I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.