Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.