A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.