When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?