The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.