I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.