And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.