Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.