If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.