We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.