You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.