Sex is an emotion in motion.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.