If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!