My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.