What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.