I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.