Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.