Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I'm single because I was born that way.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!