I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Men are as faithful as their options.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.