Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.