No good deed goes unpunished.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
