I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.