An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.