I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Men are as faithful as their options.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.