I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.