Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.