Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…