Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Men are as faithful as their options.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I'm single because I was born that way.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.