I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.