The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.