I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.