Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.