What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.