I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?