Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I'm single because I was born that way.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.