I drink to make other people more interesting.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.