A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!