It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.