A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.