It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?