I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.