Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.