I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism.

The speed of the leader is the speed of the gang.

The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.

I feel as if I were a piece in a game of chess, when my opponent says of it: That piece cannot be moved.

A jug fills drop by drop.

Every man's memory is his private literature.

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Fashion changes, but style endures.

Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful

Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble.

It seldom happens that any felicity comes so pure as not to be tempered and allayed by some mixture of sorrow.

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect-and I don't live to be-but before you start pointing fingers... make sure your hands are clean!

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

People think I'm a miserable sod but it's only because I get asked such bloody miserable questions.

The more intense the nature of a man, the more readily will he find meditation, and the more successfully will he practice it.