What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.