Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.