I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.