I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.