No matter how thin you slice it, there will always be two sides.

The death of a beautiful woman, is unquestionably the most poetical topic in the world.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

Do it again on the next verse, and people think you meant it.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

I'm not a genius. I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience.

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned.

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.

You can have anything in this world you want, if you want it badly enough and you're willing to pay the price.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

Every man's memory is his private literature.

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.

You are like my little dog; when people see you, they know I am nearby.

A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.

We are all now connected by the Internet, like neurons in a giant brain.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Get off your butt and join the Marines!

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

Don't send me flowers when I'm dead. If you like me, send them while I'm alive.