I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.