I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.