I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.