My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?