What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Women are made to be loved not understood.