It is better to be alone than in bad company.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.