This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!