Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.