I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.