Sex is an emotion in motion.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.