I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.