I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.