Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?