I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.