The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.