Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.