You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.