An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.