Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.