I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.