Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!