Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.