I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
No good deed goes unpunished.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.