Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.