I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?